Blood Test

Andrew recently had a blood test which showed abnormally low levels of immunoglobin A.  Andrew asked what the results were, and I tried to explain saying, "Well, your blood's different than other people's."
Immediately he said, "Oh! Am I cold blooded?!"

Man Up

Andrew is a very sensitive little boy which I love, but along with that comes this ability to turn minute injuries into major events.  Today during one of his injury drama fests I told him he'd be okay and said, "Man up!"

He paused for a second, then threw himself on the floor and said, "No, it's man down!"

Three Nerdy Stories

A random conversation:

Andrew said, "Mom, you have different talents than other people."

I said, "Really? What kind of talents do I have?"

He said, "You have nerdy talents."

I said, "Like what?"

He said, "Like you know how to be nerdy."

Andrew makes a comment in church:

Andrew said, "Mom, the other day my primary teacher was telling us a story about nerdy bad guys and I said, Nerdy?! My Mom is nerdy!"

I replied, "Thanks, Andrew."

The Pocket

Speaking of nerdy, check out this guy's pocket. I snapped this picture when we were at our local children's museum because I was so impressed with how much this guy can fit in there! If I'm going to truly deserve the description of "nerdy" then I'd better start practicing my pen stuffing strategies.

Little Gentleman

Lately I've been trying to help Andrew be a "gentleman"--my term for his being nice to his sisters and having decent manners in general.
Last night he had to go to bed an hour early for terrorizing his sisters. He demonstrated how well he'd learned his lesson the next morning by punching them within an hour of getting up. He was distraught when I reminded him that violent behavior is still not gentlemanly.
In distress, he lamented:
"But it's so hard! I'm praying about it every night, but it's not working out as well."


Later in the day he stood up after sitting on the heater vent and announced,
"My bum is warm!"
Half joking I said, "Gentlemen don't inform others of the state of their bums."
In return he said, "I don't think I'm that kind of gentleman. "

Poisonous

I took some vitamins and made a face as I swallowed.

Andrew was watching me and said, "Why are you making that face? Maybe you took 'poisonous'! I hope not!! That would make me sad."

Asking the obvious I said, "Why would it make you sad?"

"Because you're my favorite mom." Then he added, "Well, one of them."

"One of them?! Who's your other favorite mom?"

"All of them...except the bratty ones."

Puke, Ogre, and Pirates

Puke
On our way to the children's museum today, Andrew started hurling into the bucket we keep for such incidents.
Grandma commented that it's too bad he gets car sick.
Defiantly, he said, "I'm not sick from the car! I'm sick from breakfast!"

Ogre
Later at the museum interactive theater, he dressed up in a costume.
I said, "Oh, you're an ogre."
He ran around randomly until he stopped and said, "What does a
' yogurt ' do, anyway?"

Pirates
When we got home he was exhausted and napped for two hours. When he woke up he said, "I feel too tired. I feel like the pirates who don't do anything."

That One Very Specific Show

Andrew: Mom, remember that one show?

Me: Which show?

Andrew: You know, the one where the boy and girl start liking each other at the end?

Me: Umm...there are a lot of shows like that.

What else can you tell me about the show?

Andrew: Uhh. . .

The boy was tall.

Andrew Attitude

This morning Andrew woke up with angry hives all over him. I was stressed about whether or not to continue his antibiotics for his strep throat and was calling doctors and pharmacists to find out. Meanwhile, he was hanging over the bed and looking down at my feet. Then he said,
"Nice Socks, Mom!"
(Let me tell you, sock compliments have a way of breaking the tension.)

Later I said, "Well, let's go have breakfast."
He said, "Okay, I'll bring my spotted face."
Trying to be funny, I said, "Yeah, you're starting to look like a leopard!"
Distressed, he said, "A leper?!"

Later he grabbed my book off the bed, lost my place, and threw it.
I said, "You're ruining my book!"
He countered with, "You're ruining my life!"

After we ate breakfast, I was trying to distract him from driving me nuts, so I suggested he go outside and play.
To further convince him to leave I said, "You can either play outside, or help me clean the kitchen."
To my complete shock he said, "I'll help clean the kitchen. That's what God would want me to do."

Then, while watching me type this, he said:
"Never get on the 'puter, and always let me have candy. Except when I'm sick and I'm not sick! So, can I have candy?"
Tired out, I said, "Maybe."
Then he said, "Yes or no?! Maybe doesn't make cookies."

Thingamaboppers and Whatchamacallits

This morning Andrew climbed in bed with me for snuggles and we had this conversation:

Andrew:
What's a "thingy-a-bobber"?

Me:
I don't know.

Andrew:
Megan knows!!

Me:
Hmm...

Andrew:
What's a "Whatcha-ma-callit"?

Me:
They're both just words you use when you
don't know
the real word for something.

Andrew:
So you
don't know.

Me:
I guess not.

I'm guessing he'll ask Megan what they are when she comes home.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Andrew uses time frames creatively. He's been known to say such things as...

"I can't remember what we did tomorrow."

"What are we going to do yesterday?"

"How old will I be last year?"


Don't you love the little grammatical errors kids charm you with?

"In Your Head"

In four-year-old humor anything and everything is rendered hilarious by merely adding the phrase "in your head".

For example:
If I say, "Do you want some breakfast?"
Andrew says, "I want some breakfast in your head!" (Followed by uproarious laughter)

I say, "Go make your beddy-bye."
And he says, "Go make your heady-bye!!" (Uncontrollable giggles)

I say, "It's time to get dressed."
He says, "Okay. I'll get dressed. . .in your head!" (Tears running down his face)

Then I demonstrate my own comedic talent:

When Andrew says, "Can I play with Sammy?"
I say, "You can play with Sammy...
...in your head!"

It goes over really well, cements our friendship forever,
and has lead me to consider a career in preschool stand-up comedy.

Bless the Wicked...

"Bless the wicked...
...that they won't just kill us."

This was Andrew's heartfelt prayer at dinner last night.
And so far the wicked have been thus blessed.

English Tooter

I announced to the kids that I was just asked to be a neighbor's English tutor.
Andrew looked at me with a puzzled expression and said, "You're going to be someone's tooter?!"
Then he stuck out his back side and said, "Toot!"

Lessons Learned

You never think your kids are listening so it was rewarding the other day when I heard Andrew repeat some of the lessons I've been trying to teach him. It went something like this:
I was driving Andrew, Meredith, and Courtney home from preschool along with their new stash of balloons, papers, and car seats. When I dropped Courtney off, and was juggling her with all her stuff, Meredith's balloon sneaked out the window and flew away.
I got back in the car to face a teary four-year-old.
"You"....sniff...."lost my balloon..."
Feeling like the scum of the earth, I started groveling, "I'll get you a new one. I promise! I'll get you a better one. Will that be okay?"
I looked at her to see little fists wiping away tears off her sad, but pacified little face.
Before I could go to the nearby little market, I had to stop back at our house.
When I got back to the car where the kids were waiting, Andrew said, "Mom, we've been having a talk and I've been telling her stuff."
"What have you been telling her?"
"That persons don't always get what they want."
"You're right. So... instead of getting your own balloon, why don't you give it to Meredith?"
"Ummm....let's just go to the store."

Later that day Andrew wanted to whine about something, but said, "I know we're a no-whine family, but if we weren't I would have something to say."

So even though he can't always follow his own advice, at least the kid's been listening when I tell him to stop whining and that people don't always get what they want.
What a rewarding day.

Tags and Toilets

Tags:
Andrew looked at the brown tag on the back of the jeans I was wearing and said, "What does your tag say?"
When I didn't answer him right away, I heard him pretend to read these words:

Don't. . .touch.

Just. . .look.




Toilets:
I checked on a distressed Andrew in the bathroom and saw him standing by the toilet.
Here was the ensuing conversation:

What's wrong?
My foot fell in the toilet.

How?
I slipped when I was standing on it.

Why were you standing on it?
To talk to the people in the mirror.

Oh.

Kid Conversations

Megan

Megan, desperately calling me from her sick bed: Jenny! Jenny!!! One of my nostrils is stuffed and the other nostril is getting too much air.

Rachel

Me: Why aren't you practicing the violin?
Rachel: I'm recovering.
Me: From what?
Rachel: I stepped outside and it was so cold that I started coughing and I couldn't breathe and I barely made it back to the door alive.
Me: (giggling despite myself, along with Alicia, and Rachel herself) Oh, well, when you're done dramatizing your near-death experience, then practice the violin.

Me, Later: Rachel, you're going back outside? How will you survive?
Rachel: I'm bringing a water bottle.
Me: Oh, of course.

The Girls

After the girls watch Lord of the Rings with their dad...

Me: How was Lord of the Rings? (the violence of which I'm "violently" opposed to)
Girls: Good.
Me: Did you enjoy the violence?
Megan: We saw heads getting chopped off.
Me: Great
Rachel: We saw tons of people get killed.
Me: Are you glad you saw all that?
Rachel: No, but it was cool.
Megan: There's just one thing I don't understand...was the ring bad?
Rex: She obviously understood the movie.
Me: ..laughing
Alicia: No, that's a good question. Was it?

Andrew

Conversation while making cookies. . .
Andrew: Looking at that melted butter awe-most made me throw up...awe-most.
Me: Okay, maybe you shouldn't look at it.
Andrew (after adding vanilla): That vanilla looks like blood and the batter looks like skin.
Me: Yum. Should we put a band-aid on it, or stir it?
Andrew: Stir it. You were kidding right?
Me: Right.

Fast Sunday

Andrew: How long is church today--5 and 1/2 hours?
Megan: No, 3 hours.
Andrew: Oh, is it fast Sunday?

Magical Moments at Disney

Grumpy Parking

When our first day's attempt at free parking didn't turn out right, we were all a little ornery. We finally gave up and drove straight to the park and paid our $12 per car. As we were about to board the shuttle, we realized we needed to make a note of where we parked. The Magic Kingdom lots are named after dwarfs and we had somehow, fittingly, parked in "Grumpy".

Something's Fishy

We were all enjoying the aquariums at Epcot, but my mom especially liked a wall-sized tank full of fish. She commented on how interesting it is that fish swim in schools and how beautiful the fish looked. She might have been wondering why she was the only one enjoying that particular fish tank when my dad explained to her that it was just a cartoon projected on the wall. She said, "But it looks so real!" and we were all like, "Yeah.....totally."
(p.s. When Andrew walked by it, he immediately said, "That's fake.")

The Water Valve

If my mom has trouble deciphering what's fake, my dad must have troubles figuring out what's real. We were eating lunch at the Backlot Express which looks like a big barn, and my dad points to an exposed water valve and says, "So do you guys think that valve is real or fake?" Dave says, "Real." And my dad is like, "Nope. It's fake. Do you want to know how I know? They would never put a valve within reach of kids." To prove his point, my dad turns the valve until a loud hissing noise convinced him to quickly tighten it back up.
That was our cue to go.

What is the Word for Ambidextrous?

While we were driving one day, the kids were trying to think of the word for the ability to use both hands. Rachel suggested 'quadrepalegic' and Megan said, "No, it's 'aquamarine'!"

Water Technology

Andrew was riding on his dad's back in the pool and yelled out to me, "Look at me, Mom! I'm surfin'! I'm surfin' the web!"

Getting Soft

We were pretty pampered on our trip. We each had a large bedroom, comfy bed, and our own TV. I realized just how pampered we were one night after I'd tucked Andrew in. I could hear him in his room calling for Megan, so I went in to see what he needed.
He said, "Megan's gone and she left me with all the work!!"
Baffled I said, "What work?"
With all the exasperation he could manage he said, "I had to turn off the TV!"

Metaphorically Exhausted

We had a few long days at the parks and one day Andrew poetically announced:
"I'm as tired as a pig! I mean, I'm as tired as a dinosaur!"
(But not too tired to express his fatigue using really bad similes.)

Sausage Snack

Every day we went to a park, Dave carried a pickled sausage in his shirt pocket. (He chose that snack not only for its protein content, but for the fact that no one would ever want to share it with him). Finally, I saw him eat it. The next day I was surprised to see the package still in his pocket. I pulled it out and saw that he had one bite left and I was thinking, good thing he held onto that. I mean, you never know when you're going to have the sudden need for one bite of pickled sausage. You just never know.

Public Display of Affection

We had three sets of grandparents with us on this trip which was a blast, but could also get a little confusing. Andrew would say things like, "You mean that grandma, or that one?" Anyway, I guess the grandparents got themselves mixed up sometimes too. On our first day at Magic Kingdom, my dad was walking along and reached his hand out behind him to hold my mom's hand. My mother-in-law saw the opportunity and seized it (literally) by holding his hand as a joke. It took him a second to realize he had the wrong grandma.
After that, he looked behind him before he held hands with anyone.

Splashy Mountain

My father-in-law, Dave, got soaking wet every day at the parks. The water always seemed to be aimed at him (which totally entertained the rest of us). But one day, the splash mechanism in Splash Mountain wasn't working, so Rex took it into his own hands to get Dave wet. Every time we went by a splash zone, he scooped up some water and threw it directly at Dave. Dave kept saying things like, "The water seems to be aiming right at me!" and "I thought I wouldn't get wet sitting in the middle, but I'm getting more wet than usual" and "I'm even getting wet when there's not even splashing." The intense giggling never even clued Dave in, but Rex finally confessed his misdeed on our last day there.

Still Excited for Disney World

#1

Rex asks Megan, "What are you most excited about with Disney World? The rides, the house we're staying in, the pool, the wii..."
Megan: "There's a Wii?!!!"

#2

I ask Rex, "Since the park tickets are just little scraps of paper, if we lose one, do we get a replacement?"
Rex: "No. In fact, we need to guard those with our life! Where are they, by the way?"

#3

Andrew (who often gets car sick): "Mom, I don't want to get sick on the long way to our trip."
Me: "I don't think you'll get car sick in a plane."
Andrew: "I'll get plane sick!"

If Everyone Else Jumped off a Cliff

Andrew came home from preschool and got his whiny, demanding voice on,
"Mo-om. I want a wii! Everyone else at preschool has one."

Wow, they start young.

I was about to face off with him when Star, overhearing this, said, "I'll give you a wii." His face lighted up until she demonstrated what she meant. She picked up her little girl, twirled her around and said, "Wheeee!"

Bless you Star. That's just the kind of "wii" for a four-year-old.

Now I'm picturing him coming home on the first day of kindergarten saying: "Oh, I also need a cell phone, an ipod, and a laptop."