The Jokiolis Effect

Alicia (who is studying to get her driver's permit): Did you know that you always drive counter clockwise through a roundabout?

Rex: Except in England and the southern hemisphere.

Me: Okay, I understand about England, but I'm not understanding the southern hemisphere thing.

Rex: You know....the Coriolis effect.

Blank stares.

Rex: You know... like how water swirls one way in the northern hemisphere and the opposite direction in the southern hemisphere?

Me: So, you were making a joke to your wife and kids which required us to not only know about the Coriolis effect, but apply it to driving, and in a totally different context than how we would apply it to English driving? You must think we're really smart.

Rex: Hey, at least I didn't laugh at my own joke.

Can you feel the love tonight?

A short rundown of our recent anniversary getaway:

The Accommodations...

• Rex booked a rustic romantic getaway in a wolf-themed cabin. I said (and this is how fun I am to be married to), "Dude, there better not be any wolf statues in there. That would be creepy." Turns out there was a wolf statue. And it was creepy.
• There were numerous wolfy pictures covering the walls. And joy of joys, they were all "available for purchase".
• The sound system, no kidding, emanated the eerie howling of wolves. At which Rex said, "Do you think they have moose calls on the sound system in the moose room?" At which I prayed he was not planning on finding out for sure next year.
• The decorations on the bed posts were fake evergreen branches which snatched at my hair every time I walked by.
• The corners of the room were decorated with patches of weeds.
  
• And when I sat on the toilet it cracked!

The Dinner...

• When we went out to eat and I was trying to understand the menu, I asked Rex, "What does 'jerk-cooked' mean?" He pointed to the chef and said, "I think it's referring to that guy."
  
• Other than the jerk comment, I couldn't hear much of what Rex said because the women behind me talked loudly and constantly about the poor upbringing of some child: "And I could see the problems when she was just two...you know they just let her do what she wants and there's the problem...that child is just a brat...and it's not the kid's fault. I blame the parents...and..."
  

The Hike...

• Yes, hike. And remember, I don't exercise. We started up the hill and I went first so Rex wouldn't see how hard I was breathing. Finally, after I had completely worn myself out, I stopped and took a rest. As soon as I could get my breath I asked Rex what time it was. He said, "Uhh, we've been hiking for three minutes." I said, "Oh." And then added, "Well how far do you want to go?" He laughed and suggested a certain point which he promised would only take 15 minutes. I only made it 12. He went ahead and then came back to get me. When we got back to the car, he showed me on the map the tiny portion of trail we had climbed. I was very proud to have completed about 1/100th of the trail. Yeah for us!!

The Return...

• When we went to get the kids from my parent's house, we were treated to these endearing reactions from our children: "Why are you guys home so early?" "Can't you just go back on your trip?" "We were having so much fun before you came."
  

Overall it was a lovely trip.

(No, really, it was! We laughed our hearts out at the backwoodsy stuff in the cabin, the jerky chef cooked a great dinner, the hike was lovely and provided the token exercise I needed for the year, and we also went to the temple and then watched the new Harry Potter movie. And, when we picked up our kids, they got happy to see us again after we told them we wouldn't take them home right away.)

It Does Get Better Than That

In the last post I wrote that "it just doesn't get better than that" in reference to Rex's sleeping on the floor at the high school. But it does get better than that. It really does.

Instead of sleeping at a high school, they ended up sleeping on a sidewalk in the rain. Then they scrunched into the car where they continued not sleeping until it was their turn to run again.
Told you it got better.
Then remember that climb up the mountain? Rex said it was so grueling that he ended up walking it and so did everyone else.

Rex came home with a generic medal around his neck. It weighs about 10 pounds and doubles as a can opener. Since I don't run, I'm not really sure how can-opening and running correlate, but at least it's handy.

Rex says he's definitely doing this again next year. Next time he'll know to do more gaudy decorations, bring a tent, and actually run up that mountain.

Over-REX-ertion

If there's one thing I can't understand, it's overexertion. I'm all about underexertion. That way I always have enough 'exertion' left over (in case of emergency).

My husband, however, loves to overexert himself. This very weekend he is involved in a two-day relay race. Does two days sound a little much to anyone else? An overnight race sounds like something an officer at a boot camp would devise as torture to humble his new recruits. But my husband is willingly doing this to himself, and even paying money for it.

And this is how supportive I am: when he asked if it would be okay to compete I said, "I always wondered who those crazy people were who were running over the mountain in the middle of the night and now I'm going to be married to one of them."

Later, he thought he would test the waters again by complaining about the race. Bad idea. He said, "I can't believe I have to run the relay leg at 1:00 in the morning straight up a mountain!" Me neither. I can't process anything about this entire endeavor. So I said, "Do you remember that you're doing this to yourself on purpose?!"

Rex's team was assembled by a man named Michael Jordan. I guess that can't hurt their odds, right? Everyone else in the race decorated their vans and slathered them with mottos like, "It's all in the family", or "Supermoms! Together we chase 46 kids." Rex's van was decorated with one shoe. He'll have to explain that one.

The crowning glory of the event is that tonight Rex gets to sleep on the hard floor of a high school with a room full of strangers. It just doesn't get any better than that.

To be a "supportive" wife, I took the kids and joined his parents to watch him run a quarter of a mile of the race. I waved, took a picture, and went home to resume my sedentary lifestyle.

Persuasion

The other day I announced, "We are watching Persuasion."

Rex announced, "I am going to bed."

But he didn't.

And he enjoyed himself.

Until

I said, "If you happen to be going upstairs,

you could bring me some carrots for a movie snack."

His reply was, "Unfortunately I'm not going back up."

Affecting my best British accent I said, "Very unfortunate indeed."

Then,

being the gentleman he is,

he walked upstairs and got the carrots after all.

Total Wrecks

Big news everyone!

It's the moment you've all been waiting for...

(Insert drum roll here)

Rex has finally started
his own blog:

"Total Wrecks"
@
wrecksrightings.blogspot.com

Still Excited for Disney World

#1

Rex asks Megan, "What are you most excited about with Disney World? The rides, the house we're staying in, the pool, the wii..."
Megan: "There's a Wii?!!!"

#2

I ask Rex, "Since the park tickets are just little scraps of paper, if we lose one, do we get a replacement?"
Rex: "No. In fact, we need to guard those with our life! Where are they, by the way?"

#3

Andrew (who often gets car sick): "Mom, I don't want to get sick on the long way to our trip."
Me: "I don't think you'll get car sick in a plane."
Andrew: "I'll get plane sick!"

La Salade d'Orange

Remember how I have no domestic skills? Well, I've recently discovered that Rex is holding out on me. The other night he made dinner (due to the fact that I was real super busy playing chess with Andrew and Megan. And now I'm pretty sure I'll be real super busy every night around dinner time.)
He made a delicious chicken stir-fry topped with cashews, and a side dish of oranges arranged on a bed of cottage cheese and lettuce. Fancy, huh? I mean, I've never garnished fruit like that. I've never even used the word "garnish" before.


Let me take you back a few years to how it used to be...

I was pregnant. I was languishing and sick and desired nothing more than for Rex to cook, but when he would, it would turn out...well....anyway let me give you some examples:
The first time he took over dinner, he made tater tot casserole a la grease.
The next time he cooked, I specifically, gently, kindly requested that he fix something healthy (so that our baby would survive long enough to be around for its own birth). He assured me that he would make something extremely healthy and with that promise I took my sore belly and lay down with it on the bed and rested. When dinner was ready, I ambled downstairs to find one lone pot proudly steaming on the table. I peered inside to see none other than:
plain ramen noodles.

His cooking days were over.

But now. Now I'm kinda thinking he should have more turns to cook, n'est-ce, pas?

Phantom Limb Syndrome

Rex says he's suffered from phantom limb syndrome
ever since he's been involved in a body fat contest.
He says even though he's lost his belly, he can still feel hunger pangs.

Black Avocados

As Rex was searching for the avocados to make guacamole, I reminded him to use the blackest ones first.
In response he mumbled, "Isn't that racial profiling?"

I Want My Two Dollars

When Rex started running at 4:30 a.m., he and the paperboy had a little run-in and he's been running ever since.
To read all about it, go to noembellishment.blogspot.com

Beauty Just Isn't Practical

Last time our family went to Yellowstone, I was beyond hideous in every picture. I guess I was thinking Hey I'm in nature. I can be natural. But I had forgotten that the camera would be so active during my commune with nature.

This time I wasn't going to let the ugly be documented. I woke up early and actually fixed my hair and did my makeup. I was ready to be photographed. 

 At our first stop of the day I handed the camera to Rex then went and stood by the kids. I tried to be like, I don't care if you take a picture of us. . . We're just sitting here acting natural. . . Just do what you feel is best. I thought for sure he would look at his lovely wife surrounded by his darling children all arranged on the rolling boulders and feel an inner urge to document the moment.

He walked right past us and started taking pictures of the waterfall. Feeling a little deflated I said, "Rex, do you think you could take a picture of us?"

He looked at me and said, "Sure, let me just take some of this waterfall first."

He cocked his head, angled the camera, took a picture. Took a step to the right, and shot the waterfall from that totally different angle. Then he crouched down and took a shot from the lower angle. . .

Needless to say, by the time the waterfall (not even related to us btw) was fully documented, the children were long gone. They had all scattered and were exploring the hills. Didn't they know I was finally looking decent enough to have my picture taken?

By this time my long hair was blowing all over, whipping me in the face, and sticking to my lip gloss and the sun's glare was searing my eyes without the shade from my favorite hat. Beauty can be very uncomfortable, especially if you're not used to it, and I was really starting to reach my limit of beauty tolerance.

Rex, camera in hand, followed the kids up the trail to get a better view of the waterfall. (More waterfall!) Watching them exercise made me hungry.

I decided to go back to the car and eat. I found a peach and couldn't imagine how I would bite into it with all the lip gloss I was wearing, so I wiped it off. Then my hair kept getting blown into my mouth, so I pulled it back into its usual ponytail. And, finally, to block out the sun, I stuck on my hat.

The beauty was gone. It was back to the practical.

When the family returned, Rex handed me the camera and I got a picture of my post-beautiful self reflected in the car window.

The ugly was once again documented.

The Doghouse

I have mentioned "the doghouse" before in reference to being left with a caged skunk. I thought this clip about the doghouse was pretty good. (I guess my husband thought it was okay too since he emailed the clip to me).
http://bewareofthedoghouse.com/video.aspx
(click on the little movie projector)

Does anyone have a good doghouse story?

Head Cases

Bed head moments which need to be shared:

Andrew has two cowlicks
going on here.

This lovely hairstyle was made possible by a flannel pillow and eight hours of head friction.