Christmas Characters

Cindy Lou Who and two tiny reindeer.

You've got to pick a pocket or two

I braved Megan's room again today.
And it was just as scary as last time.

In just one pocket of her coat I found the following:

• A petrified piece of string cheese
• Four melted peanut M&Ms
  
• Three socks
• A huge bouncy ball
• Six wrappers
• Two gloves
• And numerous unidentifiable food fragments
  

I would have taken a picture, but I was too busy being grossed out.

(I also found our lost hairbrush, fingernail clippers, and Megan's school scissors that she swore someone had stolen.)

Mount Vesuvius

Today Megan and I attempted to tackle the Mt. Vesuvius disaster that she calls her bedroom. Among the random assortment of items found were:

• a bullet shell in an Easter egg
• a stack of green costume witch fingers
• two receipts from candy purchases made in Disney World six months ago
• the sticky wrapper of the sucker purchased in Disney World six months ago (kept to go in her scrapbook along with the receipts)
• the beginnings of a pop can santa project
  
• a stash of blank worksheets (she has a worksheet hoarding problem. I've actually had to enforce rules that she's not allowed to ask the teacher for extras to bring home)
• a pile of small paper Easter baskets (made for next year's Easter decorations--they'll be displayed in a line around the circumference of the room)
  
• two leprechaun traps (which come in quite handy when your house is infested with leprechauns)
  

A Sticky Conversation

Me: Why is there a paper towel wrapped around the syrup?

Megan: Because the bottle's sticky.

Me: How about washing it?

Megan: No way! It's gross and Andrew licked the side of it. It's disgusting!

Me: Well if you wash it, it will be much less disgusting.

Megan: I'm not touching it.

Me: Rex, could back me up on this?

Rex: Umm...I like the paper towel solution.

National Scream Week

As our family was discussing National Screen Week,
Megan piped in to clarify something:

Megan: It's not called "Screen week".

Rachel: What's it called?

Megan: "Scream Week!"

Rachel: Why would it be Scream Week?

Megan: Because when you tell people
to turn off their TVs and computers
they're like, "AAAAGGGHHHH!!"

Megan knows this from personal experience. She has been trying to get us to turn off our brain-numbing machines for awhile. She'll say, "Why don't we play games as a family instead of watching movies?" or "Why don't we go do something active like ride bikes? We never even talk to each other. I'm sick of watching movies all the time!!"

The rest of us look at her like the crazy person she is and shoot down every one of her ideas: "Playing a game would take effort, and riding bikes sounds like exercise. We want to relax!" and "What do you mean you don't like movies? Are you adopted?!! Or has something scrambled your brains? Maybe all that active bike riding..."

When "Scream Week" came around, and the whole nation was siding with Megan, she finally got her way. She came straight in the house and slapped the caution tape over our TV. Then she gave us all the evil eye, daring us to even think about using any sort of screen (or scream, for that matter).

The next day when she came home from school, Rachel was on the computer. Megan's face went red and she started yelling, "Hello!!...scream week...no computers!!!..."

Then, after discovering Rachel was typing a report for school, she was pacified into writing a reminder note and taping it to the screen:

NO working on the computer unless it's a report!!

For me that meant that I had to wait until she left for school before I would take off the note and use the computer, or remove the caution tape to watch a movie--It was so easy, really, only adhered with a little tape. She totally should have thought of that.

Kid Conversations

Megan

Megan, desperately calling me from her sick bed: Jenny! Jenny!!! One of my nostrils is stuffed and the other nostril is getting too much air.

Rachel

Me: Why aren't you practicing the violin?
Rachel: I'm recovering.
Me: From what?
Rachel: I stepped outside and it was so cold that I started coughing and I couldn't breathe and I barely made it back to the door alive.
Me: (giggling despite myself, along with Alicia, and Rachel herself) Oh, well, when you're done dramatizing your near-death experience, then practice the violin.

Me, Later: Rachel, you're going back outside? How will you survive?
Rachel: I'm bringing a water bottle.
Me: Oh, of course.

The Girls

After the girls watch Lord of the Rings with their dad...

Me: How was Lord of the Rings? (the violence of which I'm "violently" opposed to)
Girls: Good.
Me: Did you enjoy the violence?
Megan: We saw heads getting chopped off.
Me: Great
Rachel: We saw tons of people get killed.
Me: Are you glad you saw all that?
Rachel: No, but it was cool.
Megan: There's just one thing I don't understand...was the ring bad?
Rex: She obviously understood the movie.
Me: ..laughing
Alicia: No, that's a good question. Was it?

Andrew

Conversation while making cookies. . .
Andrew: Looking at that melted butter awe-most made me throw up...awe-most.
Me: Okay, maybe you shouldn't look at it.
Andrew (after adding vanilla): That vanilla looks like blood and the batter looks like skin.
Me: Yum. Should we put a band-aid on it, or stir it?
Andrew: Stir it. You were kidding right?
Me: Right.

Brushing War

My kids have straight, fine hair, so it looks pretty messy when they forget to brush it. One morning Megan was looking especially stringy, so I reminded her to go brush her hair. She ran upstairs and came back claiming she had brushed it but it looked just the same. I sent her upstairs to brush it again, but once again she came back stringy with the claim that she really brushed it--again.
Exasperated, I said, "What are brushing it with?" Megan proudly responded, "My fingers."

Magical Moments at Disney

Grumpy Parking

When our first day's attempt at free parking didn't turn out right, we were all a little ornery. We finally gave up and drove straight to the park and paid our $12 per car. As we were about to board the shuttle, we realized we needed to make a note of where we parked. The Magic Kingdom lots are named after dwarfs and we had somehow, fittingly, parked in "Grumpy".

Something's Fishy

We were all enjoying the aquariums at Epcot, but my mom especially liked a wall-sized tank full of fish. She commented on how interesting it is that fish swim in schools and how beautiful the fish looked. She might have been wondering why she was the only one enjoying that particular fish tank when my dad explained to her that it was just a cartoon projected on the wall. She said, "But it looks so real!" and we were all like, "Yeah.....totally."
(p.s. When Andrew walked by it, he immediately said, "That's fake.")

The Water Valve

If my mom has trouble deciphering what's fake, my dad must have troubles figuring out what's real. We were eating lunch at the Backlot Express which looks like a big barn, and my dad points to an exposed water valve and says, "So do you guys think that valve is real or fake?" Dave says, "Real." And my dad is like, "Nope. It's fake. Do you want to know how I know? They would never put a valve within reach of kids." To prove his point, my dad turns the valve until a loud hissing noise convinced him to quickly tighten it back up.
That was our cue to go.

What is the Word for Ambidextrous?

While we were driving one day, the kids were trying to think of the word for the ability to use both hands. Rachel suggested 'quadrepalegic' and Megan said, "No, it's 'aquamarine'!"

Water Technology

Andrew was riding on his dad's back in the pool and yelled out to me, "Look at me, Mom! I'm surfin'! I'm surfin' the web!"

Getting Soft

We were pretty pampered on our trip. We each had a large bedroom, comfy bed, and our own TV. I realized just how pampered we were one night after I'd tucked Andrew in. I could hear him in his room calling for Megan, so I went in to see what he needed.
He said, "Megan's gone and she left me with all the work!!"
Baffled I said, "What work?"
With all the exasperation he could manage he said, "I had to turn off the TV!"

Metaphorically Exhausted

We had a few long days at the parks and one day Andrew poetically announced:
"I'm as tired as a pig! I mean, I'm as tired as a dinosaur!"
(But not too tired to express his fatigue using really bad similes.)

Sausage Snack

Every day we went to a park, Dave carried a pickled sausage in his shirt pocket. (He chose that snack not only for its protein content, but for the fact that no one would ever want to share it with him). Finally, I saw him eat it. The next day I was surprised to see the package still in his pocket. I pulled it out and saw that he had one bite left and I was thinking, good thing he held onto that. I mean, you never know when you're going to have the sudden need for one bite of pickled sausage. You just never know.

Public Display of Affection

We had three sets of grandparents with us on this trip which was a blast, but could also get a little confusing. Andrew would say things like, "You mean that grandma, or that one?" Anyway, I guess the grandparents got themselves mixed up sometimes too. On our first day at Magic Kingdom, my dad was walking along and reached his hand out behind him to hold my mom's hand. My mother-in-law saw the opportunity and seized it (literally) by holding his hand as a joke. It took him a second to realize he had the wrong grandma.
After that, he looked behind him before he held hands with anyone.

Splashy Mountain

My father-in-law, Dave, got soaking wet every day at the parks. The water always seemed to be aimed at him (which totally entertained the rest of us). But one day, the splash mechanism in Splash Mountain wasn't working, so Rex took it into his own hands to get Dave wet. Every time we went by a splash zone, he scooped up some water and threw it directly at Dave. Dave kept saying things like, "The water seems to be aiming right at me!" and "I thought I wouldn't get wet sitting in the middle, but I'm getting more wet than usual" and "I'm even getting wet when there's not even splashing." The intense giggling never even clued Dave in, but Rex finally confessed his misdeed on our last day there.

Still Excited for Disney World

#1

Rex asks Megan, "What are you most excited about with Disney World? The rides, the house we're staying in, the pool, the wii..."
Megan: "There's a Wii?!!!"

#2

I ask Rex, "Since the park tickets are just little scraps of paper, if we lose one, do we get a replacement?"
Rex: "No. In fact, we need to guard those with our life! Where are they, by the way?"

#3

Andrew (who often gets car sick): "Mom, I don't want to get sick on the long way to our trip."
Me: "I don't think you'll get car sick in a plane."
Andrew: "I'll get plane sick!"

Traveling with Tots

First, Some Math:
4 Kids + 2 Parents + 1 small space + 1 long car ride to Jackson Hole=
8 units of total chaos


What I pack in the survival basket:

Normal stuff: books, activities, snacks, water
Other stuff: wet wipes, paper towels, toilet paper,
throw-up container with a lid!

Jenny's Rules for driving in the car:

#1 No whining about stupid things (Catching Megan mid-whine about a stupid thing).
#2 No annoying repetitive noises.
#3 No dropping things on the floor and then stepping on them.
#4 Use the garbage sack.

Various reactions to watching Andrew utilize the throw-up container
Over and over and over and over again:

Jenny: develops sympathy car sickness
Alicia: rolls down the window so she can breathe unpolluted air
Megan: complains that she is cold and demands that the window be rolled up
Rachel: quietly keeps to herself
Rex: bees grateful and proud of his beautiful wife for packing that handy throw-up container

Here are 2 books on tape that the kids bring:

#1 Gummies to the Rescue! (exclamation mark included)
#2 It's a Small, Small World (a blatant infraction of rule #2)

To my horror, Andrew requests both of them. And. I oblige. Because there's nothing I won't do for a puking four-year-old. (Though, I admit, I turn off the front speakers.)


Four things that happen at once:

#1 Megan, practicing Spanish, asks me, "Are you tomato?" (she means "timido")
#2 Alicia, also practicing Spanish, says, "Quieres take a picture of the river?"
#3 Rex is being a tour guide: "And over here we have Lunch Counter..."
#4 Andrew is fake snoring

And, then I say, "Okay!!! Megan, I'm not a tomato; Alicia, are you meaning you want to take the picture, or you want me to take the picture?; Andrew, that's a very silly fake snore; and, Rex, I'm so very glad that's Lunch Counter. But, if nobody minds, I am just going to read quietly for awhile."

In Afton, the road passes under a huge arch made of elk antlers and this is what I say:
"That's horrible! Think how many elk had to die to make that hideous thing!"
Then Rex says: "Jenny, elk shed their antlers annually."
That's when I say: "Oh."
Then I say: "Well, it's still hideous!"


Then I almost get in trouble when Andrew says,
"Mom, you said something bad."
"Really? What did I say?"
"You said butt!"
Racking my brain, I realize that I said: "I thought those were big buffalo, but they're probably just average."
Before I can explain myself Andrew is chanting, "Buffalo Butt, Buffalo Butt, Buffalo..."
And then he gets in trouble.


But what makes it all worth it
is that on our way home. In the dark. When we're all very tired. And everything else is silent. Megan starts singing "If the Savior Stood Beside Me". And the Spirit is strong and I remember why we take car trips together as a family.