Explanation of Stripes

Our dinner discussion last night centered around the age-old question:

Is a zebra white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?

Alicia and Megan both strongly felt that zebras are white with black stripes.  They supported their argument by saying that a zebra's belly is white and therefore it can be assumed that the zebra itself is white while it's stripes are black.

I countered with the argument that if one were watching Madagascar and got to the credits, one could clearly see documented proof that at least one particular zebra was black with white stripes.

After a long and arduous discussion, Rachel piped in and settled things:

"They're not black with white stripes or white with black stripes,"  she said.  "They're pink. . .with black and white stripes."

NAL Tournament

If you ever want to feel totally stupid, just go to a Jr. High National Academic League tournament.  I brought a notebook and pen to write my own answers to the questions they would ask and see how many I could get. Out of the 50 questions asked, I wrote down one answer.  Yep, I'm practically a genius. 
They asked things like this:
If Susan has a dad and Susan, Sally, and Sabrina are playing tennis with Bob, Carl, and Stanley, and Sally likes tennis...who is Susan's dad?
Or something like that.  At least it made about as much sense as that.  Or maybe I was just having a hard time concentrating because the lady next to me was doing a cross stitch and every time she pulled the needle through it came within an inch of my eyeball.
And while I was completely out in the dark (and getting threatened with blindness), twelve and thirteen year-olds were rattling off the answers.  It's so humiliating to have to encounter your own ignorance like that.

The Dreaded Disease

Rachel was researching the symptoms she's been suffering in fear that she may have contracted the dreaded Swine Flu. Suddenly she shouted,
"I figured it out! I have fate-ig-yew!"

I said, "Is fate-ig-yew spelled F-A-T-I-G-U-E?"

"Yes--that's it! And I have all the symptoms!"

Kid Conversations

Megan

Megan, desperately calling me from her sick bed: Jenny! Jenny!!! One of my nostrils is stuffed and the other nostril is getting too much air.

Rachel

Me: Why aren't you practicing the violin?
Rachel: I'm recovering.
Me: From what?
Rachel: I stepped outside and it was so cold that I started coughing and I couldn't breathe and I barely made it back to the door alive.
Me: (giggling despite myself, along with Alicia, and Rachel herself) Oh, well, when you're done dramatizing your near-death experience, then practice the violin.

Me, Later: Rachel, you're going back outside? How will you survive?
Rachel: I'm bringing a water bottle.
Me: Oh, of course.

The Girls

After the girls watch Lord of the Rings with their dad...

Me: How was Lord of the Rings? (the violence of which I'm "violently" opposed to)
Girls: Good.
Me: Did you enjoy the violence?
Megan: We saw heads getting chopped off.
Me: Great
Rachel: We saw tons of people get killed.
Me: Are you glad you saw all that?
Rachel: No, but it was cool.
Megan: There's just one thing I don't understand...was the ring bad?
Rex: She obviously understood the movie.
Me: ..laughing
Alicia: No, that's a good question. Was it?

Andrew

Conversation while making cookies. . .
Andrew: Looking at that melted butter awe-most made me throw up...awe-most.
Me: Okay, maybe you shouldn't look at it.
Andrew (after adding vanilla): That vanilla looks like blood and the batter looks like skin.
Me: Yum. Should we put a band-aid on it, or stir it?
Andrew: Stir it. You were kidding right?
Me: Right.

Magical Moments at Disney

Grumpy Parking

When our first day's attempt at free parking didn't turn out right, we were all a little ornery. We finally gave up and drove straight to the park and paid our $12 per car. As we were about to board the shuttle, we realized we needed to make a note of where we parked. The Magic Kingdom lots are named after dwarfs and we had somehow, fittingly, parked in "Grumpy".

Something's Fishy

We were all enjoying the aquariums at Epcot, but my mom especially liked a wall-sized tank full of fish. She commented on how interesting it is that fish swim in schools and how beautiful the fish looked. She might have been wondering why she was the only one enjoying that particular fish tank when my dad explained to her that it was just a cartoon projected on the wall. She said, "But it looks so real!" and we were all like, "Yeah.....totally."
(p.s. When Andrew walked by it, he immediately said, "That's fake.")

The Water Valve

If my mom has trouble deciphering what's fake, my dad must have troubles figuring out what's real. We were eating lunch at the Backlot Express which looks like a big barn, and my dad points to an exposed water valve and says, "So do you guys think that valve is real or fake?" Dave says, "Real." And my dad is like, "Nope. It's fake. Do you want to know how I know? They would never put a valve within reach of kids." To prove his point, my dad turns the valve until a loud hissing noise convinced him to quickly tighten it back up.
That was our cue to go.

What is the Word for Ambidextrous?

While we were driving one day, the kids were trying to think of the word for the ability to use both hands. Rachel suggested 'quadrepalegic' and Megan said, "No, it's 'aquamarine'!"

Water Technology

Andrew was riding on his dad's back in the pool and yelled out to me, "Look at me, Mom! I'm surfin'! I'm surfin' the web!"

Getting Soft

We were pretty pampered on our trip. We each had a large bedroom, comfy bed, and our own TV. I realized just how pampered we were one night after I'd tucked Andrew in. I could hear him in his room calling for Megan, so I went in to see what he needed.
He said, "Megan's gone and she left me with all the work!!"
Baffled I said, "What work?"
With all the exasperation he could manage he said, "I had to turn off the TV!"

Metaphorically Exhausted

We had a few long days at the parks and one day Andrew poetically announced:
"I'm as tired as a pig! I mean, I'm as tired as a dinosaur!"
(But not too tired to express his fatigue using really bad similes.)

Sausage Snack

Every day we went to a park, Dave carried a pickled sausage in his shirt pocket. (He chose that snack not only for its protein content, but for the fact that no one would ever want to share it with him). Finally, I saw him eat it. The next day I was surprised to see the package still in his pocket. I pulled it out and saw that he had one bite left and I was thinking, good thing he held onto that. I mean, you never know when you're going to have the sudden need for one bite of pickled sausage. You just never know.

Public Display of Affection

We had three sets of grandparents with us on this trip which was a blast, but could also get a little confusing. Andrew would say things like, "You mean that grandma, or that one?" Anyway, I guess the grandparents got themselves mixed up sometimes too. On our first day at Magic Kingdom, my dad was walking along and reached his hand out behind him to hold my mom's hand. My mother-in-law saw the opportunity and seized it (literally) by holding his hand as a joke. It took him a second to realize he had the wrong grandma.
After that, he looked behind him before he held hands with anyone.

Splashy Mountain

My father-in-law, Dave, got soaking wet every day at the parks. The water always seemed to be aimed at him (which totally entertained the rest of us). But one day, the splash mechanism in Splash Mountain wasn't working, so Rex took it into his own hands to get Dave wet. Every time we went by a splash zone, he scooped up some water and threw it directly at Dave. Dave kept saying things like, "The water seems to be aiming right at me!" and "I thought I wouldn't get wet sitting in the middle, but I'm getting more wet than usual" and "I'm even getting wet when there's not even splashing." The intense giggling never even clued Dave in, but Rex finally confessed his misdeed on our last day there.

They Hate the Blog

The other day I walked into the kitchen was stopped by two teenagers with an agenda.

Me: What's up?

Them: We hate blogging.

Me: Why?

Them: It's as bad as texting. People don't talk to each other anymore.

Me: That's why I have to blog. Nobody was talking to me and I started feeling lonely.

Rachel: The other day Ani said, "Have you seen our blog? It's so funny!" And when I said, "No" she just said, "Oh, well then never mind."

Me: Well I could show you their blog.

Them: Okay!!

Me: But wait...I thought you hated blogging.

Them: Oh yeah.

Traveling with Tots

First, Some Math:
4 Kids + 2 Parents + 1 small space + 1 long car ride to Jackson Hole=
8 units of total chaos


What I pack in the survival basket:

Normal stuff: books, activities, snacks, water
Other stuff: wet wipes, paper towels, toilet paper,
throw-up container with a lid!

Jenny's Rules for driving in the car:

#1 No whining about stupid things (Catching Megan mid-whine about a stupid thing).
#2 No annoying repetitive noises.
#3 No dropping things on the floor and then stepping on them.
#4 Use the garbage sack.

Various reactions to watching Andrew utilize the throw-up container
Over and over and over and over again:

Jenny: develops sympathy car sickness
Alicia: rolls down the window so she can breathe unpolluted air
Megan: complains that she is cold and demands that the window be rolled up
Rachel: quietly keeps to herself
Rex: bees grateful and proud of his beautiful wife for packing that handy throw-up container

Here are 2 books on tape that the kids bring:

#1 Gummies to the Rescue! (exclamation mark included)
#2 It's a Small, Small World (a blatant infraction of rule #2)

To my horror, Andrew requests both of them. And. I oblige. Because there's nothing I won't do for a puking four-year-old. (Though, I admit, I turn off the front speakers.)


Four things that happen at once:

#1 Megan, practicing Spanish, asks me, "Are you tomato?" (she means "timido")
#2 Alicia, also practicing Spanish, says, "Quieres take a picture of the river?"
#3 Rex is being a tour guide: "And over here we have Lunch Counter..."
#4 Andrew is fake snoring

And, then I say, "Okay!!! Megan, I'm not a tomato; Alicia, are you meaning you want to take the picture, or you want me to take the picture?; Andrew, that's a very silly fake snore; and, Rex, I'm so very glad that's Lunch Counter. But, if nobody minds, I am just going to read quietly for awhile."

In Afton, the road passes under a huge arch made of elk antlers and this is what I say:
"That's horrible! Think how many elk had to die to make that hideous thing!"
Then Rex says: "Jenny, elk shed their antlers annually."
That's when I say: "Oh."
Then I say: "Well, it's still hideous!"


Then I almost get in trouble when Andrew says,
"Mom, you said something bad."
"Really? What did I say?"
"You said butt!"
Racking my brain, I realize that I said: "I thought those were big buffalo, but they're probably just average."
Before I can explain myself Andrew is chanting, "Buffalo Butt, Buffalo Butt, Buffalo..."
And then he gets in trouble.


But what makes it all worth it
is that on our way home. In the dark. When we're all very tired. And everything else is silent. Megan starts singing "If the Savior Stood Beside Me". And the Spirit is strong and I remember why we take car trips together as a family.

Excited for Disney World?

Here's the reaction we got from our kids about the first plane flight they're about to take to Disney World:

Alicia, age 14: "Everyone says their ears hurt on planes. Could we go deaf on the flight? I don't want to go, if it will make me go deaf."

Rex, who is slightly deaf: "I've flown a lot and it hasn't affected my hearing." (Alicia and I give each other knowing looks).

Me: "But really, you won't go deaf on the plane. We'll be fine. People go on planes all the time. No more worrying."

Rachel, age 12: "Well, I'm not worried. But if I were, I'd be worried that we would crash down and the plane would catch on fire, and my face would be melted off, and they'd have to carry me out on a stretcher, and..."

Me: "I'm so glad you're not worried, then."