December 17, 2009

It's the Hap-Happiest Season of all...

The other day I had twelve thousand errands to run in town and I swear the only song on the radio was "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year".  As I pulled into and out of crowded parking lots and barely avoided numerous near-collisions I listened to its perky lyrics.  Can that song be for real?  Is that real pep, because I swear it has a mocking tone to it.

In the mall parking lot there was literally NO parking.  No matter how far away I was willing to park.  I drove in circles for about 15 minutes.  Finally I saw a couple standing by their car ready to get in.  But they didn't get in.  They giggled and hugged and giggled and hugged.  And giggled.  And hugged.  I drove circles around them waiting for them to stop it already!  Don't they know it's Christmas!  The time of the year to park near the mall and buy things.  Not hug people!  When they finally stopped their displays of affection, I was in position.  They were on the end of a row and there was room to pull in from behind just as they pulled out.  The only complication was not making eye contact with the person waiting to pull in from the front.  Minor detail.


"There'll be much mistle-toeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near..."


One errand took me through a rough part of town.  As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw a man holding a woman's purse and rifling through it.  Safe in my car, I gave him the evil eye and watched to see if he showed other guilty behaviors, like running off.  But he didn't run.  Instead, he started walking straight for my car!  I quickly locked the doors and grabbed my cell phone.  He stood far enough away that when he said, "Excuse me"  I felt safe enough to roll the window down half an inch.  Through the crack I distinctly heard a woman's voice emanate from the manly physique and say simply and sweetly, "Do you know what time it is?"  With a red face I announced the time and then watched the woman walk off clutching her very own purse.

"With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings..."  


After hearing the song for the umpteenth time, I started catching more lyrics and this part popped out at me:
 "There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories..."

What's up with scary ghost stories?  Did I miss that tradition somewhere?  Who tells scary ghost stories at Christmas time?  Or tales of old glories for that matter.  Did this guy want to give a quick nod to Halloween and the Fourth of July?  Does anyone else get this?

One errand was fixing our vacuum.  Finally.  I hauled it in to a an old crumbling building which said, "Vacuum Exchange".  There were vacuum carcasses everywhere and the floor looked like it had never seen a vacuum that worked.  Filled with confidence after these observations, I hauled my machine to the greasy desk, behind which there were more dogs than people.  The people included one young guy and an aging man who should have retired after he lost his hearing.  The young man would call out needed parts to his co-worker who then shuffled to the closet and pulled things out at random.  Finally we discovered that the part was not in stock and would have to be ordered.
 "With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer"

In all that day,  I bought at no less than ten stores, parked in two others that I decided not to go into, took about five things back, ordered a vacuum part and then drove home listening to...

"It's the MOST wonderful time of the year!!"


Here it is in full:


 It's the most wonderful time of the year
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer"
It's the most wonderful time of the year
It's the hap-happiest season of all
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings
When friends come to call
It's the hap- happiest season of all

There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow
There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago

It's the most wonderful time of the year
There'll be much mistltoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When love ones are near
It's the most wonderful time of the year

There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow
There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago

It's the most wonderful time of the year
There'll be much mistltoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When love ones are near
It's the most wonderful time
It's the most wonderful time
It's the most wonderful time
It's the most wonderful time of the year

8 comments:

  1. this is hilarious. i myself, have often wondered about the "ghost story" part of the song. STR-ANNNGE. you've got me on that one!

    I also liked your story about the man approaching your car! LOL. I am the SAME WAY. I am OVERLY paranoid about ANYONE looking suspicious. Just today at Walmart while I was rifling through my cash to pay the checker for my groceries, the man in line behind me was SO CLOSE to me his arm was touching my arm and he was either staring at my CASH or down my shirt. I'm still not sure which! BUT i was so paranoid he was going to follow me out to the car and rob me--so I was ready. Needless to say he just went on his merry little way. HA HA HA

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  2. Oh, the story about the man-woman makes me laugh. Hilarious.

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  3. Jenny it's so good to hear from you again. I was singing that song with Christian the other day and for the first time I thought "Scary ghost stories?"
    I've been to the mall around Christmas before and yeah, no parking anywhere.
    And last, Aaron left me and the kids in the car to run into Walmart one time. It was winter so it was dark and cold outside. A scruffy looking guy approached my car in the parking lot. I quickly locked the doors and waited fearing the worst. He came right next to my window with an earnest look in his face and I shook my head to motion I was not going to help him. He quickly moved on. That totally broke my heart, but I had to protect myself and the children. He could have hijacked the car or pulled out a gun or something. But, I'll never forget that look in his eyes. I'm sure he was just cold and hungry and harmless.
    In contrast, I was at the D.I last week paying for my treasures and two scruffy looking guys walked in and stared me down as they rounded the corner by the register and headed toward the back of the store. Now they were CREEPY and I left with an icky feeling. I got in my car pretty quick.
    Feliz Navidad.
    I will think of you now every time I hear that song.

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  4. Oh thank you for that!!! I seriously needed all those stories and needed to laugh that hard. It felt good. You don't have to get me a Christmas present now - I'm good. It's nice to know, after getting home from a crazy day of errand-running, that you are out there in ogden, ut going through the same thing. Only you are way funnier. I loved the giggling and hugging couple. and "don't they know it's Christmas? Good stuff. Thanks for writing.

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  5. awesomeness. thanks jenny!

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  6. I have a gut ache from laughing so hard!
    I am going to print this out and read it to my whole family at our big Christmas party, I just have to spread your special holiday cheer!

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  7. Dickens, Jenny, Dickens. Past, present and future. My favorite part was the vacuum repair shop. Carcasses, dirty floor - so great. Remind me to tell you what my sister-in-law once innocently said about her mother-in-law. Merry, merry, Jenny!

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  8. I just went to that very same vacuum store on Monday, and thought the same thing. Maybe they have all the dogs around so they can test how well their vacuums pick up dog hair...who knows.

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