February 15, 2009

Don't Breathe on Me

Anyone who knows Alicia, knows that she's practically perfect in every way. She's not demanding, critical, or selfish (and she's fourteen, so that's basically a miracle).

Even though normal teenage things don't affect her, here are a few things that do:

#1 Getting Breathed on
Alicia is a pretty mellow girl until someone breaths in near proximity to her. Then it's all out warfare. When she gets too mellow or introverted, I like to say something like,"Hey Megan, go breathe on Alicia."

#2 Science Fair
Fortunately for the whole family, science fair is finally over and our lives can return to normal. Ever since the first day of school Alicia has been lamenting this demon of school projects. It has been "ruining her life" (as well as ours) for four months now. At any random time of the day we would hear any one of the following outbursts:

"I hate science fair! I'm not doing the project. I don't care if I fail."
"I can't even focus on school, or anything else because science fair is so stupid!"
"Science fair.....ughhh!"
"I can't believe teachers can feel okay with themselves after assigning a science fair project."
"I can't believe it's even legal to put children through this torture."

Then, finally, we heard:
"Okay, I'll do it! But I'm not going to do anything hard. I'm just going to focus on making the board look cute. Do you think I'll get a passing grade if my board looks cute?"

So, she finally did it. And it turned out well (and the board looked way cute). And her project was based on a fun idea. (Yeah, I hate to brag or take credit or anything, but I totally thought of it) Wanna hear?
It's all about this joke:
A guy orders a pizza. The salesperson asks, "Would you like me to cut it into six slices, or eight?" The man answers, "Only six. I couldn't possibly eat eight."
Crazy funny, huh? Not really. But the point is that you have to be a certain age to understand it. You basically have to be about eight. Oh, and there was one 16-year-old who didn't understand either.

#3 Smoking
If the subject of smoking comes up, Alicia goes into an immediate tirade saying things like, "How can people be so dumb? Don't they know what they're doing? Don't they want to live?"
Once in Wendover we stopped near a casino for breakfast where there was a tiny whiff of smoke smell. She couldn't enjoy a bite of her food and when we left she started wheezing and complaining:
"I....think....I can feel.....my lungs....closing in...gasp!"She barely managed to pull herself into the car as she gasped and gulped for air. It took some serious talking before we convinced her she would live.
(As a disturbing side note, she has also had numerous nightmares that I've taken up the habit. Does anyone interpret dreams?)

#4 Church Basketball
On the first night of this year's church basketball, Alicia sat on the couch staring comatose at the wall and complaining about the terrors of church basketball. "The parents all come and yell at us. And if we can't play well then people hate us. Forever! And the opposing team always has sharp fingernails. Which they use to scratch us. Every time! And..."
Then, after two hours of complaints, we got there and she had a great time. She was one of the better players and miraculously no one scratched her, hated her, or yelled at her.

#5 Creepy Beds
This subject has only riled her up one time but it's so random, I had to include it. As we were looking for houses in Orlando, Alicia didn't want one particular house because she claimed the beds' lack of headboards rendered it creepy.


  1. I was the same way about smokers when I was a teenager and now Dallin acts like that. It's pretty funny! And the science fair excerpt sounded like me THIS year while helping my kids.

  2. It's good that Alicia has some little character points to hang her halo on.

  3. Has Alicia seen this post? What does she think of that gorgeous picture? Actually, knowing all this about Alicia just makes her more adorable!

  4. I LOVE ALICIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I can't stand how darling she is. I want her as my own daughter! Jenny you are so lucky! Maybe I will luck out and one of my handsome sons will fall madly in love with her and I will get her as a daughter in law??

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  6. What are you doing looking for houses in Orlando?!? Are you planning on leaving?

  7. Amy, the house is just for a vacation. You're going to have to live with us for a while yet.