October 25, 2008


Every night I snuggle under my covers and then do a little light reading from a book full of disease descriptions. I discover a few new terminal illnesses I might be plagued with, and then go to bed satisfied.
One suggestion this book gave for some ailment was to get a hair analysis done to test past exposure to lead. That's the sort of thing that really perks up a hypochondriac so at my next doctor's appointment, I asked for one.

Me: While I'm here could I get a hair analysis to check for lead poisoning?

Dr: I have never ordered a hair analysis.

Me: Do you want to be adventurous and try it today?

Dr: Why do you want one?

Me: Because I'm a hypochondriac.

Dr: This kind of thing needs to be handled by your primary care physician.

Me: I don't have a primary care physician

Dr: You mean, you're a hypochondriac without a primary care physician?

Me: Yes.

Dr: That's not good.

Me: I know. I prefer to just sit at home and worry.

Dr: Oh I see. Well, hair samples are actually only done in autopsies.

Me: Oh.

Dr: But, I promise to have one requested after you're dead.

Me: thanks


  1. You sound like me. Did you know that you can test your water and objects for lead with a small kit? We tested our home for Radon and the lab we sent it to tests everything. I can let you know the info if you are interested :-) I don't have it on me right now.

    I thought it would be handy for our next fake Christmas tree. Did you know they are just loaded with lead? I'm not kidding. And don't even think about getting a fake wreath. They are no exception.

    Anyway, wanna hear something funny? :-) I told Peter about your blog and he was so happy because your skunk story was up and HE USED IT IN HIS CHURCH TALK LAST SUNDAY. What is it about that story that makes such great church material?!? Anyway, it was all about how husbands should be nice to their wives. :-) Just kidding. It was about service and how people helped you out in a bind.

  2. Oh that's just great. When you finally die then you'll learn that you had lead posioning and other various toxins floating around your body. A lot of good that news will do for you then.

    I also find this post funny because I can relate. Okay, so I usually don't verbalize my concerns to my doctor(only Jenny would do that), but I try them out on my husband first. For example, I ask him, "Do you think my thyroid is working properly," or "my back sure hurts I wonder if I'm having kidney failure."

    Other diseases I suspected: Diabetes, bi-polar disorder (I'm still pretty certain on that one,) scoliosis (I'm not sure that's how you spell it, but you know what I mean,)Skin cancer because of some very suspicious moles and freckles.

    I'm sure there have been others, but those are just a few of the latest. For some reason my husband never takes my possible life threatening illnesses very serious.

    I would also like to confess that when I got pregnant with my first baby I think I took four pregnancy tests. Then when I went to my first doctors visit, he had to confim over three times, even after the blood test that I really was pregnant. He showed me the little baby embroy thing with ultrasound, but all I could see was this funky dot to dot puzzle. And that was suppose to prove it.
    Despite my concerns, my stomach started getting really big and round, and one day I had this beautiful baby girl. So I guess the doctor was right all along.

  3. You know, it even gets worse when your wife includes the husband into her circle of ailments. I don't know how many things she's made me check out, everything from MRIs to doctors wearing rubber gloves. Fortunately, I will die first, so she can use my hair for the lead test.

  4. That's great that you are aware of your problem, and that you have such great support from your physician! I think I am the opposite concerning my own health. I tend to think I am invincible, and I get so angry when I get sick. But I do have hypochondria when it comes to my kids, poor dears. Love this post and love the comments!

  5. I'm totally laughing, that is soo fearless, persistent Jenny of you to press the issue with your doctor until he can't help but discuss with you when you are gone from this world! ;-) And your peaches? I figured you would have turned around and said never mind, but you stuck with it 'till that money was IN your hand!

    You guys remind me of a version of the Adam's Family...you reading about diseases each night in bed, Andrew "always" knowing about graves, detailed descriptions of melting faces... LOL!

    Seriously though, sounds like a cool doctor!...and you know I ALWAYS think you're cool(lead poisoning and all)!