March 22, 2010

Census Bureau

I have a flare for embarrassing situations and I didn't disappoint when the rep from the Census Bureau came inquiring after personal information.

I first passed her creepy stalker van on the road when I pulled into my driveway.  I got out of my car wearing huge sweatpants, an old shirt, black socks, and brown dress shoes.  I had on no makeup and my hair was pulled back in a messy pony tail.

In other words, I was gorgeous!

When the lady stepped out of her van I was ready to say, "We don't want to buy any, but thank you."  But she pulled out an official census bureau badge and requested an interview inside.  

I took her into the chaos.

My kids had two friends over and children were running and screaming.  As the lady asked me questions, I had to yell to be heard.  Besides looking hideous, sitting in my messy house, and having to yell above the noise, I was embarrassed by the fact that I couldn't answer a lot of the questions.  It's so funny because I have an elephant's memory when it comes to phone numbers, but I can't for the life of me remember financial facts.  

When I couldn't tell her exact numbers she told me to "just guess".  After hearing a few of my "guesses" she tactfully suggested that I call my husband for verification.  (She said she was trained to write down whatever the person said even if she could personally see that they were totally wrong.  But in my case, she said, she was going to break that rule.)

She then asked what my husband did for a living.  I told her he worked for the state roads, but then she asked what his specific job description was.  I was stumped.  The kids, overhearing had to answer for me.  Yikes.  Next she asked what my level of education was.  "Ironically," I said, "I'm actually college educated.  I have a bachelor's degree."  But then I defended my lack of number skills by saying, "But it's in English!" 

She finally left, giggling, about forty minutes after she had come.  She had told me that these interviews take only 10 minutes, but obviously not at my house.

The very next day I went shopping and guess who I ran into?  
 The Census Bureau lady!  

Fortunately for me, however, I came to town disguised as a normal human being. 

She never knew it was me.